What paebaek is
The main ceremony ends. The white dress and tuxedo come off. In a smaller room down the hall, a folding screen has been set up behind a low table stacked with dates, chestnuts, and cheongju. The bride is now in a red and blue wonsam, the groom in a dark danryeongpo, and both sets of parents are seated behind the offerings. What follows takes twenty minutes and is often the part of the wedding day the family talks about for years.
Paebaek (폐백) is the family ceremony that traditionally closed a Korean wedding. Today it anchors the Korean half of most Korean American weddings. Below is when it happens, what everyone wears, and the sequence of bows and blessings. Also the ways modern couples adapt the form without losing what it is.
The rituals
The couple kneels and performs a deep bow (jeol) in front of the elders, beginning with the most senior. The elders, seated behind a low table, give blessings.
Then the elders toss dates (daechu, symbolizing sons) and chestnuts (symbolizing daughters) into the bride’s apron. The number caught is said to predict the number of children. It is mostly a joke now, but the photo is meaningful.
The rice wine and the piggyback
The couple shares rice wine (cheongju) poured from a single bottle into two cups. The shared cup symbolizes their joined lives. It is a quieter moment, often the still point of the ceremony.
At some paebaek, the groom piggybacks the bride around the room. This is supposed to symbolize him carrying her into their new life. It is funny and humanizing.
How Korean-American couples adapt paebaek
Many Korean-American couples include both sets of parents (not just the groom’s family) in the paebaek to make the ceremony egalitarian. Some skip the rice-wine portion if no one in the family drinks. Some bring both sets of grandparents into the room for the bow.
The point is honoring elders and acknowledging the joining of families. Within that spirit, the specific rituals are flexible.
If you are a non-Korean guest
Stay quiet, watch the bow, take photos only if invited. Paebaek is shorter and more emotional than the main ceremony, and the family appreciates respectful attention. See what to wear to a Korean family event.
Planning your paebaek
Eric works with brides, grooms, parents, and full wedding parties for paebaek commissions every wedding season. Tell him your wedding date and a few words about the family and we will start the conversation.
Talk to Eric
Looking for paebaek hanbok for your wedding? Eric at The Korean In Me sources authentic hanbok personally from Seoul, inspects every piece in San Mateo, and works with each customer on sizing and color. Contact Eric to inquire →